Wombles 1 vs Nene Valley Rangers 2

1. Nase
2. Flaser
3. Teflon
4. Nath
5. Drapes
6. Slinky
7. Berba
8. Robinho
9. Bugsy
10. Winners
11. Lewy
12. Truss

The last game of the season meant the positions were pulled out of the hat – leaving a very unhappy Nasal! The Wombles actually started well with Nase dominating his box ) as no one shot)and Krissy doing a calm job at left back (most people were questioning the decision to swap them in the second half) and took the lead when a corner by a crazily pira Slinky was headed home from big Stopper Nath.

Nath and drapes were performing admirably as a centre half pairing but it was soon 1 – 1 when a free kick was awarded on the edge of the box and while Nase was lineing up his wall the free kick was dinked into the far corner. The home side were apoplectic but the goal stood.

Second half game and Kris went up front for a 3 minute spell before deciding it was too much like hard work. He swapped places with Nase and the rest of the team shuffled round to have most players in their correct position.

Unfortunately Tango’s on pitch form deserted him as he let a scrubber go through his legs and into the net to give the away side the win. The season ended in ridiculous fashion, and that summed the Wombles one season in Sunday football up perfectly.

Wombles 2 vs Lynhurst 6

1. Slinky
2. Micky
3. Bugsy
4. Jase
5. Winners
6. Ronnie
7. Muzza
8. Lewy
9. Cat
10. Berba
11. Weave
12. Nase
13. Nath

Scorers : Eason (2)

A tepid performance from the Wombles who again had to shuffle the pack with players missing for various reasons including a keeper going to France on a mission to find his mother. Slinky stepped in between the posts and asked explicity for no one to pass him the ball – several passbacks later and the Wombles were a few goals down.

The Wombles never really got going with several players pira and the pick of a poor bunch was probably Micky at right back and Eason for his finishing alone scoring a couple of beauties. Cat worked tirelessly up front and got himself into several good positions but unfortunately his finishing left A LOT to be desired and had to be substituted before he literally beat himself up!

A game to forget for everyone involved apart from Muzza who had performed reasonably well on right wing before his customary tweak of leg. He ended up playing in goal moving like he had been treated to a night of Trussler loving!

UK Wombles 0 vs Polish Champions 1

1. Tango
2. Ronnie
3. Bugsy
4. Winners
5. Flaser
6. Weave
7. Muzza
8. Lewy
9. Nase
10. Eason
11. Ali
12. Cat
13. Micky

MOM – Winners.

The Wombles lost but Winners shouted UK ball a lot so all was good. Nasal missed a one on one and that was about it.

Grasshoppers 2 Wombles 1

1. Kris “French” Lines
2. Joe “White Trainers” Johnson
3. Mark “Shinpad” Wingrave
4. Flaser “Flaser” Gascoyne
5. Jason “Get Up You C@nt!” Owen
6. Simon “Don’t Turn Your Back on Me” Trussler
7. Neil “Sniper” Lewis
8. Phil “Thunderbolt” Littlewood
9. Scott “Pure Berba” Eason
10. Neil “Tevez” McDermott
11. Ali “Kitman” McDermott
12. Murray “Continuity” Gascoyne

Scorer : Berba

MOM : The clubs first ever electronic vote took place with a very close run thing between Nase and Kris on 4 votes each. The deciding vote was Nase who voted for Kris - Wombles honesty at its best!

The Wombles had the worst possible start on their visit to table toppers Grasshoppers when the kit was late and a couple of players (not for the first time) dropped out at the last minute – at least the fines should be a beneficiary. With the kit arriving late there wasn’t a lot of time to warm up and there was a surprise in store with Ronnie dropping to right full back and Nasal making his long awaited first start up front.

The bobbly pitch caused both teams to struggle to get it down but still managed to create chances with the home sides big striker going close on a number of occassions when he really should have done better, and the visitors showing glimpses of quality which was putting the Hoppers defence under pressure. It was the home side who took the lead though when their midfielder hit an unstoppable shot from range into the top left hand corner of the net. The Wombles almost levelled when a well taken Slinky corner led to some pinball in the box but Truss’s goal bound shot was deflected off the line for another corner.

Half time came and the Wombles could be pleased with more than matching their high flying opponents – the defence looked reasonably solid with Joe and Winners (who got away with one of the latest and clumsyest challenge since, er Jason’s last one) fitting in well and there were signs of promise going forward.

The Wombles levelled shortly into the second half when a diagonal ball was played in and with his first touch of the game Eason headed home at the far post. The Wombles almost took the lead shortly after when Lewy played the ball into the near post to Nasal who turned it back to Weave who was well placed to bullet a shot at the keeper – unfortunately he decided placement would be better and the shot (speed recorded at 0.27 miles per hour) went straight into the grateful keepers hands.

The lack of a warm up was starting to show and a burst of pace from Lewy was ended by a loud scream as he fell to the floor clutching his thigh. As the game was played at the Police station it was assumed that a stray bullet had hit the Gaffa but it turned up he had pulled what one could only assume is the only muscle in his body! With the Wombles having made their only sub shortly before, Lewy was forced to amble around up front with Nase reverting to right back.

The Wombles still pushed forward but were lucky on a number of occassions defensively as the opposition striker continued to be thwarted at the hands of some good keeping from Linesy and his own personal nightmare in front of goal. As the clock ticked down the skipper also pulled up with an injury (karma for his attitude to Lewys injury?) but fought on bravely and the home side got a corner with what would surely be the last kick of the game. The ball was knocked over and Winners slipped and his player got between Nasal and Linesy to head home the winner.

Another good performance from the Wombles with a number of players missing. Roll on next week and the chance for revenge against Polish Champions.

Wombles 2 Royals 2

1. Kris Lines
2. Neil McDermott
3. Dave Maloney
4. Jason Owen
5. Fraser Gascoyne
6. Simon Trussler
7. Neil Lewis
8. Joe Johnson
9. Ady York
10. Nathan Warner
11. Phil Littlewood
12. Rob Noel
13. Scott Eason
14. Ben Taylor

Sub unused Ali Mac

Scorers : Trussler, Warner

The Wombles were forced to play this home fixture at Vicky Park which should actually have been of benefit considering the state of Dally Park last week, the only negative to the move was having to put the nets up which turned into a military manoeuvre orchestrated by Big Col. Royals were the visitors and they were looking to avenge a defeat in the reverse fixture, and the pre-match talk was of not taking them too lightly despite the fact they seemed to be missing a few of their better players.

The first half was a scrappy affair with neither side getting going. Despite this both sides spurned good chances which would have given the game some momentum. Half time came and Sam Ali-dyce had some harsh words for the players, suggesting that they were “f@cking sh;t” and promising to make wholesale changes if things didn’t pick up.

About 10 minutes in, Ady was finally forced to admit defeat in keeping his hamstring under control and was replaced by Eason whilst the dependable Bugsy was replaced by club hardman Ben Taylor. A few minutes later the Wombles were behind when a ball from the right hand side found the Royals striker who volled into the corner via the soft hands of Kris “my mum lives in France” Lines.

This finally clicked the Wombles into some sort of action and a long diagonal ball from Nasal found Lewy who had a shot parried to Truss who had the simple task of tapping the ball into the net. This world class cross by Nasal (no mention of the first time cross under no pressure went out for a goal kick) was to be his last meaningful contribution to the game as he was replaced by Rob shortly after. Another team reshuffle from the tinkerman seemed to have gone arry when Joe failed to clear and the Royals were back in front.

With the clock ticking the Wombles went 3-4-3 with Joe pushing up to right wing and he made amends for his earlier mistake with a fantastic run and cross which Nath tapped in at the near post to get a share of the spoils.It was a poor performance from the Wombles who never got going and the only exciting part of the day was the skipper eating 5000 orrible chicken legs.

An interesting OPTA Stat from after the match showed more tactical changes than completed passes! Next up the champions elect away. We’ve proved that we can give anyone a game on our day as well as giving away a game to anyone so it will be interesting to see which Wombles team turns up!

Wombles 0 Grasshoppers 2

1. Linesy
2. Nase
3. Bugsy
4. Skipper
5. Flaser
6. Truss
7. Jo
8. Lewy
9. Ady
10. Cat
11. Nathe
12. Micky

MOM : Jason Owen – Another excellent performance from the resurgent skipper.

The Wombles welcomed high flying Grasshoppers to Dally Park with the pitch in an even worse state than usual having been drained due to the recent weather, leaving the surface having the same complexion as Nasal’s face circa 1995. There was also a strong wind which would make playing football difficult.

The Wombles were short of a few key squad members but were set to field a strong squad until the no show of leading scorer Eason threw that into disarray – Cat stepped up in a like for like change so there was still a confident feeling going into the game. The first half was an even affair with the home side perhaps edging it with Ronnie Johnson going the closest with a towering header and two free kicks one of which hit the post.

The Wombles defence and midfield were performing well but were a bit far from the front 2 who were left isolated and with Cat getting brutally raped everytime the ball was in the air (which the ref seemed to like!) they were left with few clear cut chances.  Grasshoppers had the better of the second half and opened the scoring when Jase left the ball for Krissy who had stayed at home and the oppositions big stopper hooked home an unstoppable shot – a moment of indecision had cost the Wombles again.

The goal seemed to knock the stuffing out of the Ressies and the away side made it 2 shortly afterwards when a punch from the home keeper fell to a player at the edge of the area who did well to turn it home. The injured Truss was replaced by Mickey and the Wombles should have had a penalty when a weaving run from Ady was brought to an abrupt halt by the defender, the ball fell to Bugsy who was too busy shouting “refee pen dog” to have a shot on goal and the home sides last chance was gone.

Grasshoppers look like they are set to win the title this year and I’m sure we’d rather they won than Heathfield but we can still make it interesting by beating the Grasshoppers at their place something we are more than capable of doing if we can cut out silly mistakes. Notable mention goes to Flase and Jase who were again very solid at the back, ably assisted by Cafu and Roberto Carlos at full backs (have two full backs ever got forward less?), and the midfield were solid throughout. The only downside was that we didn’t manage to get the ball wide to put some crosses into the box for the strikers as the opposition keeper looked a bit suspect on crosses.

Finally a kind word for keepers / striker Krissy who held his hand up for blame for the goals although this reporter would suggest that there were a number of mistakes leading up to both. To be fair he’s been outstanding this season and has saved us on more than one occasion from a drubbing, some of which we have managed to turn into victories. We win and lose as a team, and hopefully we’ll be able to enjoy the fruits from a long hard season in Benidorm.

Nene Valley 0 vs Wombles 4

1. Kris
2. Nase
3. Puss
4. Jase
5. Flaser
6. Lewy
7. Ronnie “he’s back”
8. Truss
9. Berba
10. Ripped Shirt Man
11. Weave
12. Lino

Goals – Weave, Berba, Ripped Shirt Man, Ronnie

The Wombles made the short trip to Acre Lane to find a coffee stall had been erected to allow coffee club to relax before the match and with Nasal sat outside the laundry waiting to pick up the kit at 10am, it’s a good job too! The Wombles were looking to build on last weeks victory against a Nene Valley side whose form was very similar to their own with some good and some bad results.

The Wombles took a while to get used to the exceedingly small pitch with a few long passes either going straight through to the 7 foot keeper or into the car park. On such a small pitch big kicks from both keepers (even Kris!) were key to the game with Jase winning every single header it gave the Wombles an excellent platform to build on.

It was the Wombles who took the lead after some concerted pressure when a Ronnie cross was dropped by the keeper on to wing wizard Weaves knee, and he doesn’t miss from there! The Wombles continued to play well with the front two combining well and Lewy and Truss performing well in the middle.It was soon two when a cross over was calmly volleyed into the top corner by Berba who was too lazy to even celebrate!

Half time came and went and the Wombles continued where they left off with Ady calmly finishing a one and one and Ronnie adding a late fourth after an excellent team break. Looking across the park everyone played well and the team looked to have found a really solid spine. Next up is title challengers Grasshoppers which will be a real test for the club.

Wombles 4 vs Westone Club 81 2

1. Kris “Vomit in Mouth” Lines
2. Neil “Knee Strap” McDermott
3. Dave “Outlet” Maloney
4. Flaser “Shocker” Gascoyne
5. Jason “He’s Back!” Owen
6. Neil “Play sh;t at start of the season the get man of match every week” Lewis
7. Joe “Second Half” Johnson
8. Simon “5am” Trussler
9. Nathan “Hot Shot” Warner
10. Scott “Hamstrung” Eason
11. Ali “Retired” McDermott
12. Phil “The Lid” Littlewood
13. James “Yorkie” Harris
14. Mark “Mr Clubber Northampton 1987 – 2009″ Wingrave

Goals : Lewis 2, Warner 2
Mom : Lewis and Warner

The Wombles had a full squad to choose from which I’m sure had nothing to do with the fact that they welcomed bottom markers Westone to Dally Park! The last game had only finished 1 – 0 so any complacency would be punished. The club are also thankful for Murray “Jeff Winter” Gascoyne for reffing for us (and putting the cash in for fines!).

The Wombles started reasonably well with Trussler deciding against playing in front of defense and instead playing behind Eason! The Wombles duly took the lead when when Lewy got on the end of a Warner cross and (just about) managed to bury it with his left foot from close range. It was soon 2 when the excellent Nathe chased down a long ball, forcing the last defender into a mistake, before slipping home.

The Wombles let in a goal on the break just before half time leading to the usual team shuffle, this time taking our best midfielder (Truss) and putting him up front – you do the math!

The second half was pretty much similar to the first with more goals from Lewy (pen after making the most of a tackle in the box) and Nath with a solitary reply for the opposition.

Nath could have had a hat trick hitting the wood work and having one cleared off the line, and it was another solid performance from the Wombles.

Wombles 1 vs Maggies Reserves 2

1. Sunbed Lines
2. Roll Over McDermott
3. Barrel Maloney
4. Flaser Gascoyne
5. Acrobat Owen
6. Reducer Lewis
7. Makelelelele Trussler
8. Dummy Spitter Johnson
9. Seaton Seaton
10. Chicken Flied Lice Eason
11. The Narcasisst Warner
12. Bobster Bobster
13. Sam Ali-dyce McDermott
14. Hartson Blackwell

Goal : Warner
MOM : Lewy

This is the latest match report ever so I will try to remember what happened!

Following on from last weeks defeat to Hartwell which included conceeding 4, the Wombles decided to tighten up playing a 4-1-2-2-1 formation with Truss playing the libero position and Lewy tucking in alonside Joe to provide more cover for the back 4. With the first teams game called off due to a lack of players the Wombles decided on a like for like replacement with Seaton replacing Ali on the left, and Blacky taking up a place on the bench.

The Wombles entertained Division 1 high flyers Maggies Reserves, and probably had the better of the game with Warner causing problems down the wing and Lewy enjoying the midfield battle.

Unfortunately it was Maggies who took the lead when Bugsy was caught dreaming about wedding things, allowing his man to cut inside him and finish. It was soon 2 when the Maggies midfielder got a yard of space outside the box and powered it into the top corner.

Half time came and Seaton was switched to right wing and immediately saw more of the ball, dovetailing nicely with Nasal down the right. Blacky was introduced as sub for an unhappy (and drunk) Ronnie Johnsen and the result was instant as Warner added a goal from close range.

The Wombles went on to have a number of good chances including hitting the bar and having one cleared off the line. It wasn’t to be though and Maggies progressed to the next round. A return to form for the Wombles with a return to solidity in defense particularly pleasing.

Wombles 3 Hartwell Rangers 4

1. Sunbed – Goal poacher
2. Nase – Ditto
3. Winners – Master of slice
4. Flaser – Very angry young man
5. Jase – Ditto
6. Ronnie – Second half syndrome in reverse
7. Truss – Went to a wedding or something, we let 3 more goals in
8. Lewy – Raising hands in a slap / push motion
9. Rob – Andy Cole
10. Eason – Towards the end will have been happy to not be old enough to be his strike partners Dad
11. Ali – Vocal tactician
12. Nath – Proving a point
13. Drapes (for Jase) – Excellent lino, continuity passer
14. Bobster – One third of the three amigos

Goals : Lewy (pen), Nath, Nase

MOM : Nath

The Wombles welcomed Hartwell to Dally Park with the squad stretched due to injury and marquee inspecting, but a strong side saw no place in the starting line up for last weeks goal scorer Nath.

The Wombles started pretty well and Rob went close on two or three occassions when he will probably feel he could have done better. As the half wore on though Hartwell got a grip on the game and a combination of poor passing from the home side and infighting contributed to the away side taking the lead.

Half time and club talisman Truss had to slope off but this gave Nath the chance to stake his claim for a starting spot. He grasped this with both immaculately manicured hands when he went on a run from the half way line and was (sort of) upended by a Hartwell defender – a penalty and yellow card were given to the surprise of many in the ground.

After a bit of mind games from Slinky , Lewy eventually stepped up and calmly dispatched the kick past the keeper who did well to get a hand on it. The Wombles were back!!!!!!! for 10 seconds…

From the kick off Nasal gave away an honest and experienced free kick around fourty yards from goal after being turned. The resultant free kick was floated up toward the goal where Linesy had it covered, until it bounced down off the bar and onto his shiny bonce! 2 – 1 Hartwell.

This seemed to knock the stuffing out of the Wombles and they conceeded another after half the team stopped expecting Hartwell to kick the ball out as one of their players was down, their striker had a look round and continued through the static defence to rifle home. Naive defending from a side with an average age of 34!

The skipper was then booked for a one sided grappling match on the floor and Lewy took on the oppositions weakest player in a scene reminiscent of the time he protected Nasal by starting a fight in the time and envy toilet!!

The Wombles managed to get a goal back through Nath when he powered home a corner from a perfectly executed Slinky corner. Hartwell then added a fourth (I think that was the order of the goals?!) before the gaffa finally changed the formation to put Nase up top alongside Bob and Eason.

The three combined to create a good chance for Eason as he grazed the bar, then moments later the trio combined to create a chance for Nasal who poked in at the far post.

The fans were treated to a 4 -3 thriller, that was anything but.

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