Wombles 1 vs Maggies Reserves 2

1. Sunbed Lines
2. Roll Over McDermott
3. Barrel Maloney
4. Flaser Gascoyne
5. Acrobat Owen
6. Reducer Lewis
7. Makelelelele Trussler
8. Dummy Spitter Johnson
9. Seaton Seaton
10. Chicken Flied Lice Eason
11. The Narcasisst Warner
12. Bobster Bobster
13. Sam Ali-dyce McDermott
14. Hartson Blackwell

Goal : Warner
MOM : Lewy

This is the latest match report ever so I will try to remember what happened!

Following on from last weeks defeat to Hartwell which included conceeding 4, the Wombles decided to tighten up playing a 4-1-2-2-1 formation with Truss playing the libero position and Lewy tucking in alonside Joe to provide more cover for the back 4. With the first teams game called off due to a lack of players the Wombles decided on a like for like replacement with Seaton replacing Ali on the left, and Blacky taking up a place on the bench.

The Wombles entertained Division 1 high flyers Maggies Reserves, and probably had the better of the game with Warner causing problems down the wing and Lewy enjoying the midfield battle.

Unfortunately it was Maggies who took the lead when Bugsy was caught dreaming about wedding things, allowing his man to cut inside him and finish. It was soon 2 when the Maggies midfielder got a yard of space outside the box and powered it into the top corner.

Half time came and Seaton was switched to right wing and immediately saw more of the ball, dovetailing nicely with Nasal down the right. Blacky was introduced as sub for an unhappy (and drunk) Ronnie Johnsen and the result was instant as Warner added a goal from close range.

The Wombles went on to have a number of good chances including hitting the bar and having one cleared off the line. It wasn’t to be though and Maggies progressed to the next round. A return to form for the Wombles with a return to solidity in defense particularly pleasing.

Wombles 3 Hartwell Rangers 4

1. Sunbed – Goal poacher
2. Nase – Ditto
3. Winners – Master of slice
4. Flaser – Very angry young man
5. Jase – Ditto
6. Ronnie – Second half syndrome in reverse
7. Truss – Went to a wedding or something, we let 3 more goals in
8. Lewy – Raising hands in a slap / push motion
9. Rob – Andy Cole
10. Eason – Towards the end will have been happy to not be old enough to be his strike partners Dad
11. Ali – Vocal tactician
12. Nath – Proving a point
13. Drapes (for Jase) – Excellent lino, continuity passer
14. Bobster – One third of the three amigos

Goals : Lewy (pen), Nath, Nase

MOM : Nath

The Wombles welcomed Hartwell to Dally Park with the squad stretched due to injury and marquee inspecting, but a strong side saw no place in the starting line up for last weeks goal scorer Nath.

The Wombles started pretty well and Rob went close on two or three occassions when he will probably feel he could have done better. As the half wore on though Hartwell got a grip on the game and a combination of poor passing from the home side and infighting contributed to the away side taking the lead.

Half time and club talisman Truss had to slope off but this gave Nath the chance to stake his claim for a starting spot. He grasped this with both immaculately manicured hands when he went on a run from the half way line and was (sort of) upended by a Hartwell defender – a penalty and yellow card were given to the surprise of many in the ground.

After a bit of mind games from Slinky , Lewy eventually stepped up and calmly dispatched the kick past the keeper who did well to get a hand on it. The Wombles were back!!!!!!! for 10 seconds…

From the kick off Nasal gave away an honest and experienced free kick around fourty yards from goal after being turned. The resultant free kick was floated up toward the goal where Linesy had it covered, until it bounced down off the bar and onto his shiny bonce! 2 – 1 Hartwell.

This seemed to knock the stuffing out of the Wombles and they conceeded another after half the team stopped expecting Hartwell to kick the ball out as one of their players was down, their striker had a look round and continued through the static defence to rifle home. Naive defending from a side with an average age of 34!

The skipper was then booked for a one sided grappling match on the floor and Lewy took on the oppositions weakest player in a scene reminiscent of the time he protected Nasal by starting a fight in the time and envy toilet!!

The Wombles managed to get a goal back through Nath when he powered home a corner from a perfectly executed Slinky corner. Hartwell then added a fourth (I think that was the order of the goals?!) before the gaffa finally changed the formation to put Nase up top alongside Bob and Eason.

The three combined to create a good chance for Eason as he grazed the bar, then moments later the trio combined to create a chance for Nasal who poked in at the far post.

The fans were treated to a 4 -3 thriller, that was anything but.

Sunnyside Corinthians Reserves 0 Wombles 2

1. Kris “Bored” Lines
2. Neil “High Kicking” McDermott
3. Phil “Hamstrung” Littlewood
4. Flaser “Overlapping Centre Half” Gascoyne
5. Jason “Popularity Contest” Owen
6. Joe “Ronnie” Johnson
7. Simon “Egg, Ugh!” Trussler
8. Neil “Christmas Pants” Lewis
9. Rob “Subbed Due to Cock and Ball Injury” Noel
10. Scott “Terry Hurlock” Eason
11. Ali “Elephant Feet” McDermott
12. Mark “Assuming” Wingrave
13. Dave “Flags Up” Maloney
14. Nathan “Offside” Warner

Goals : Eason, Warner

MOM : Owen

Special Guest Match Report from Lewy (edited by Nase – did you go to school lewy?)

3 Points. A clean sheet and 2 Wombles getting hit in the balls! A good morning was had, with the Ressies getting the season back on track with a much needed win.

A solid performance at the back set the tone for a vastly improved performance, with numerous chances created but not taken by the wombles. The best moment of the first half was Robinho being denied by the post after an outrageous (lucky) attempt from fully 40 yards.

Eason opened the scoring early in the 2nd half to add to his goal tally for the season, after a well worked move with Nasal feeding Truss who unselfishly squared to Eason for a simple tap in.

Sub Nath added a second with a well taken goal after the Corinthians centre half went down injured and expected him to knock it out, much to their annoyance he curled it into the corner of the net! As a result they tried to kick him for the remainder of the game but his temperament stood up well. The game could of been put further out of reach near the end but it was good to get back to winning ways on a freezing cold day.

Roll on the next game.

Wombles 0 Heathfield 7

1. Jase
2. Nase
3. Lee
4. Winners
5. Flaser
6. Weave
7. Lewy
8. Joey Joe Joe Junior
9. Ben
10. Berba
11. Slinky
12. Bobster

MOM : Winners

With half the squad deciding they couldn’t play because it was Christmas, the Wombles faced an uphill struggle with no players, no keeper and no ref!

A mini mutiny before the match was also very unhelpful, the game needed to be played as we had enough players to put the match on and it wasn’t going to be fun in freezing conditions but eventually the match was on after a 30 min delay waiting for someone to ref.

The Wombles started badly and things didn’t get much better. The opposition were looking for revenge after we took points off them earlier in the season and they got it, scoring 7 with no reply forthcoming.

Fair play to Jase for going in goal, he made some great saves and really took one for the team. Winners also did well and Flaser’s “Huigita” style goal line clearances are going to become stuff of legend. Not once but three times he cleared it off the line with his spaghetti legs up and over his head. Excellent stuff.

A terrible day for football was followed by a 0 – 0 draw for the Cobblers in freezing conditions. Merry bloody Christmas!

Wombles 1 Maggies Youth 6

1. Linesy
2. Nase
3. Bugsy
4. Jase
5. Flaser
6. Metronome
7. Weave
8. Lewy
9. Rob
10. Nath
11. Slinky
12. Ben

Scorer : Rob

MOM : Truss

Christmas came early for Maggies youth as the Northampton Utd reserves back line played santa to gift goals galore at Dally Park. The day had started badly for the Wombles with talismanic striker Scott Eason not turning up for the game due to being involved in a lock in at Auntie Ruths, and a lock in at his house while he explained to his misses where he had been til 6am! The game was then delayed while a shovel was found so Nasal could get some dog sh;t off the pitch!

Utd didn’t start too badly but shipped some terrible goals with first Fraser losing his man from a free kick for a free header and then Jase deciding he was the wizard of dribble only to be dispossessed on the touchline providing Maggies with the opening to put them 2 goals ahead. Another goal followed with man of the moment Robinho replying for the Wombles after pressurising the keeper. He should also have had a penalty if he had gone down when fouled but the referee who wanted to be the star of the show decided contact wasn’t justification enough for one!

Second half came and 5 minutes of madness saw the Wombles concede another 3 as Jase gave away his customary Dally Park penalty after the ref decided that now contact wasn’t needed for a decision – just intent! Jase then decided that Kris was a quick and agile keeper and after a number of under hit back passes put us in trouble, Maggies finally scored from one as the orange keeper jogged out of his goal and was beaten by the striker to make it 5 – 1.

The more experienced players in the side sensed it was time to put a foot on the ball and keep possession to regain some composure. From kick off the ball was played back to Nasal whose attempted pass to Flaser bounced off his shin directly to the Maggies striker who made no mistake. A joke goal to end a joke day.

Most of the lads still had enough energy to make it to the Xmas meal with more energy going into getting into the que for the carvery than had been displayed by most players on the pitch. The Gaffa lewy did well to keep himself seperate from the players as he decided to go for a walk in the woods instead of attending the lads get together.

Real District 2 Wombles 5

1. Sunbed – Could do nothing with either goal. Loves coffee club.
2. Nasal – Defended well, put some good balls in, and avoided (just) getting beaten up.
3. Weave – After a drunken start, got stronger as the game went on for his best performance since his October break.
4. Skipper – Was playing well before he went off with a broken ankle / ligament damage / slight scratch (delete as applicable).
5. Flaser – Spent the first half hour thinking about battered foods. His booking brought him to his sense and he produced another solid display.
6. Joe – A couple of great reducers first half set the tone. Can we appeal for the return of his shooting boots please?
7. Lewy – His assist in the 70′th minute was his first pass to his own player. Provided good width though.
8. Metronome(1) – Powerful header for the goal capped another exemplary display.
9. Burbasloth(2) – Great goals and outpaced someone! Rubbed off on Rob well (the first time he has rubbed off on a young un without a court appearance).
10. Robinho(2) – Gets better with every game. Two good finishes opened his account for the club.
11. Rory – His opta stats say 1 pass complete but 3 assists. MOTWYW

SUBS
12. Jellyleggs Winners – Came on as centre half just behind Eason. As he sobered up he dominated proceedings and wound up the opposition by telling them to calm down and touching them!
13. Puss – Stood an undeserved barrage of abuse on the sideline and a deserved barrage of abuse in the pub. The utility man almost scored when he came on.

Guest Match Report from Slinky

Things started badly for the Womble as Real Dogsh;t went into a quick two goal lead after only 10 minutes through half of the team being para and the other half thinking about coffee club.

The Wombles were playing it around nicely, with Ali Mac and Lewy (in a pigs eye) in particular spraying the ball around with great aplomb. A goal was pulled back after great pace from Eason saw him unleash a shot which rebounded out to Rob Noel who tucked it away to notch up his first goal for the club.

Second half saw a completely different Wombles performance, with passing and movement causing ‘Real’ problems for the opposition. The equaliser came from our latest secret weapon – Rorys long throw. A flick on from the towering schoolteacher Trussler saw Rob ghost in at the far post to volley home. Moments later Eason wriggled from of two challenges to finish with the most delicate of strikes with the outside of his right boot.

This caused Real to really start fouling us (like they hadn’t already) but this seemed to free up more room for the Wombles new counter attacking game. The mighty Simon Trussler rose unmarked to head in our fourth and Eason finished things off with a neat far post strike.

There was also just enough time for their centre forward to get sent off and then spit in the referees face, the worst thing I’ve seen on a football pitch in 22 years of playing at the top level.

An excellent fightback with great performances across the park, Rob in particular stood out for his non stop work rate and 2 great goals.

UP THE WOMBLES!!

MOM – Rob Noel

Christmas Competition – Name the Womble

Joe Johnson was one of the more low key signings made in pre-season, but he has proven to be a key member of the team with his strong tackling, tireless energy and (sometimes) potent long shots. Unfortunately for Joe he has yet to get a nickname. Other newbies such as Sunbed and the Metronome have got one, so now is the time to think of one for Joe.

The winner will get to sit next to Joe at the Christmas meal next week and get a photo opportunity with the great manchild.

The editorial staff have put their 2 brain cells together and have come up with Scattergun due to never knowing how wide his shots will go or Tattoo Joe.

There must be something better out there?!

Wombles Wicked Whispers

Which player who prides himself on his on pitch commitment made himself unavailable for a match last week due to being away, only to be caught out shopping on the Sunday morning with his girlfriend?

So sick!

Lynhurst 1 Wombles 6

1. Linesy
2. Nase
3. Paddy
4. Jase
5. Flaser
6. Metronome
7. Joey Joe Joe Junior
8. Lewy
9. Psycho
10. Berba
11. Slinky
12. Drapes

MOM – Metronome – Excellent performance on the pitch with a goal to silence his critics and and an assist for goal of the century. This performance was dwarfed though by his comedy performance in the pub. Ugh don’t get him started!!!!!

Goals - Nath, Truss, Berba (3), Nase

The Wombles made the trip to Southfields with a drunken Slinky in tow, but a meeting at MaccyD’s usually sets the tempo for a day of firsts (goalkeepers scoring anyone?) and the coffee club were not to be disappointed on this strange but wonderful day.

Arriving at the Gallery pub to find a pitch but no changing rooms, Slinky made light of that by spending the pre match warm up getting off with the oppositions manager / referee. This worked out nicely as the game was played in a crazily good spirit on what was a cold morning.

The match started with Lynhurst having the slight better of things going forward, but the Wombles as has become their style, were looking good on the break with (I hate to say it) Berba holding the ball up well and using it to good affect.

The Wombles managed to take the lead when Nasal chipped the ball to Eason who played in Nath, who took an age before pea rolling the ball past the goaly and into the far left corner. Nice to see he can score with his boots as well as his head!

The second half saw another fairly even encounter with Joe and Truss bothering the corner flag with shots. The latter being told that he should give up now as he would never score. 5 minutes, and a Slinky long throw later Truss had broke his duck and the Wombles had taken a comfortable lead.

This seemed to do for Lynhurst as the Wombles went on to play some excellent attacking football (once Ali was replaced by super sub Drapes – a coincidence I’m sure!).  Eason went on to do what he does best, score without moving. First some neat interplay between Paddy and Drapes led to an opening for Berba who played a one two with the post before finishing calmly, the great man himself commented “I could see the angle was not on to score so had no choice but to hit it off the post to give me the chance to tap into empty net”.

He scored a second shortly after, starting the move himself with a ball out wide to “tricky” wingman Lewy, a low cross went in and after a little confusion in the box the ball fell to the Sloth about 15 yards out who  smashed it into the roof of the net!! His hat-trick was completed after a long cross by Lewy was thundered in via Eason’s great big head at the back post.

The game was  rounded off in style by something never seen before or likely to be seen again. A throw by the excellent Truss went inside to Nase who took it on the half volley and it flew into the top left hand corner, a goal that was measured at around 35 yards from contact to goal, but on appeal in the pub was decided to be closer to 60.

Lynhurst managed to get a goal back with around 10 mins left but all in all it was a great day out for the Wombles – an excellent performance and a good laugh, what Sunday football should be about. Both teams played in an excellent spirit, and the day was rounded off with Utd winning, Chelsea losing, a roast dinner and me having some bloody good beers.

Heathfield Rangers 1 vs Wombles 1

1. Dr No (Vocal Chords)
2. Nase
3. Bugsy
4. Winners
5. Flasers
6. Joey J
7. The Metronome
8. Psycho
9. Robinho
10. Burbasloth
11. Winners
12. Broken Skipper

MOM Truss?

Goal – Berba

Who’d have thought after our start to the season that we would be having a table topping clash in mid November? The Wombles were missing several players again and the captain was the second most drunk man ever near a football pitch (behind Nase who once had an own goal dissallowed the night after wetting the babies head!). With the skipper so drunk he was sick more than once walking to the pitch, Higgsy and Winners were called into the starting line up.

The Wombles were up against a side who had averaged 4 goals a game and whose oldest player was 25, so with a weakened team in terms of numbers but a strong side in terms of quality and spirit, they kicked off in terrible conditions at the Racecourse.

It was actually the Wombles who had the better of the first half with Robinho having his best game for the club, doing Berba’s running and nearly scoring on a number of occasions (hit it hard mate!!!). Unfortunately Higgsy was to last about as long as one of Lewys mmmmmmmmsss (8 minutes) and was replaced by the Skipper who after much debate was slotted in at centre half with Winners pushed out wide.

Heathfield were using their pace well but the Wombles defence marshalled well by Flaser and midfield held firm and Linesy was excellent as usual. It was the Wombles who looked the more dangerous on the counter attack took the lead when a neat low Nasal free kick from the right was half met by Nath, and after a bit of pin ball in the area fell to where Eason had been standing all game and true to form he made no mistake.

Utd held tight till the half and knew the second half defending the hill would be a tough ask with their traditional second half fitness causing a slight concern. The second half was a real case of backs to the wall defending with the three defensive midfielders of JJ, Truss and Winners providing a good shield whilst still looking dangerous on the break through Nath, Rob and Berba.

Unfortunately the Wombles couldn’t hold out til the end when with 10 minutes left Nasal blocked a shot but it took a wicked deflection up and over Linesy to see the Wombles deflated. A lesser team could have folded but the Wombles spirit and the promise of chicken stuff and popadoms down barrats for the 4th week running saw the tired legs play through to the final whistle to grab a point.

All in all an excellent performance, probably the best of the season considering the number of players missing, and gave the club a great confidence boost knowing they could match any team in the league.

(Sorry it’s late. Good job my memory isn’t too addled!)

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