Real District 2 Wombles 5

1. Sunbed – Could do nothing with either goal. Loves coffee club.
2. Nasal – Defended well, put some good balls in, and avoided (just) getting beaten up.
3. Weave – After a drunken start, got stronger as the game went on for his best performance since his October break.
4. Skipper – Was playing well before he went off with a broken ankle / ligament damage / slight scratch (delete as applicable).
5. Flaser – Spent the first half hour thinking about battered foods. His booking brought him to his sense and he produced another solid display.
6. Joe – A couple of great reducers first half set the tone. Can we appeal for the return of his shooting boots please?
7. Lewy – His assist in the 70′th minute was his first pass to his own player. Provided good width though.
8. Metronome(1) – Powerful header for the goal capped another exemplary display.
9. Burbasloth(2) – Great goals and outpaced someone! Rubbed off on Rob well (the first time he has rubbed off on a young un without a court appearance).
10. Robinho(2) – Gets better with every game. Two good finishes opened his account for the club.
11. Rory – His opta stats say 1 pass complete but 3 assists. MOTWYW

SUBS
12. Jellyleggs Winners – Came on as centre half just behind Eason. As he sobered up he dominated proceedings and wound up the opposition by telling them to calm down and touching them!
13. Puss – Stood an undeserved barrage of abuse on the sideline and a deserved barrage of abuse in the pub. The utility man almost scored when he came on.

Guest Match Report from Slinky

Things started badly for the Womble as Real Dogsh;t went into a quick two goal lead after only 10 minutes through half of the team being para and the other half thinking about coffee club.

The Wombles were playing it around nicely, with Ali Mac and Lewy (in a pigs eye) in particular spraying the ball around with great aplomb. A goal was pulled back after great pace from Eason saw him unleash a shot which rebounded out to Rob Noel who tucked it away to notch up his first goal for the club.

Second half saw a completely different Wombles performance, with passing and movement causing ‘Real’ problems for the opposition. The equaliser came from our latest secret weapon – Rorys long throw. A flick on from the towering schoolteacher Trussler saw Rob ghost in at the far post to volley home. Moments later Eason wriggled from of two challenges to finish with the most delicate of strikes with the outside of his right boot.

This caused Real to really start fouling us (like they hadn’t already) but this seemed to free up more room for the Wombles new counter attacking game. The mighty Simon Trussler rose unmarked to head in our fourth and Eason finished things off with a neat far post strike.

There was also just enough time for their centre forward to get sent off and then spit in the referees face, the worst thing I’ve seen on a football pitch in 22 years of playing at the top level.

An excellent fightback with great performances across the park, Rob in particular stood out for his non stop work rate and 2 great goals.

UP THE WOMBLES!!

MOM – Rob Noel

Christmas Competition – Name the Womble

Joe Johnson was one of the more low key signings made in pre-season, but he has proven to be a key member of the team with his strong tackling, tireless energy and (sometimes) potent long shots. Unfortunately for Joe he has yet to get a nickname. Other newbies such as Sunbed and the Metronome have got one, so now is the time to think of one for Joe.

The winner will get to sit next to Joe at the Christmas meal next week and get a photo opportunity with the great manchild.

The editorial staff have put their 2 brain cells together and have come up with Scattergun due to never knowing how wide his shots will go or Tattoo Joe.

There must be something better out there?!

Wombles Wicked Whispers

Which player who prides himself on his on pitch commitment made himself unavailable for a match last week due to being away, only to be caught out shopping on the Sunday morning with his girlfriend?

So sick!

Lynhurst 1 Wombles 6

1. Linesy
2. Nase
3. Paddy
4. Jase
5. Flaser
6. Metronome
7. Joey Joe Joe Junior
8. Lewy
9. Psycho
10. Berba
11. Slinky
12. Drapes

MOM – Metronome – Excellent performance on the pitch with a goal to silence his critics and and an assist for goal of the century. This performance was dwarfed though by his comedy performance in the pub. Ugh don’t get him started!!!!!

Goals - Nath, Truss, Berba (3), Nase

The Wombles made the trip to Southfields with a drunken Slinky in tow, but a meeting at MaccyD’s usually sets the tempo for a day of firsts (goalkeepers scoring anyone?) and the coffee club were not to be disappointed on this strange but wonderful day.

Arriving at the Gallery pub to find a pitch but no changing rooms, Slinky made light of that by spending the pre match warm up getting off with the oppositions manager / referee. This worked out nicely as the game was played in a crazily good spirit on what was a cold morning.

The match started with Lynhurst having the slight better of things going forward, but the Wombles as has become their style, were looking good on the break with (I hate to say it) Berba holding the ball up well and using it to good affect.

The Wombles managed to take the lead when Nasal chipped the ball to Eason who played in Nath, who took an age before pea rolling the ball past the goaly and into the far left corner. Nice to see he can score with his boots as well as his head!

The second half saw another fairly even encounter with Joe and Truss bothering the corner flag with shots. The latter being told that he should give up now as he would never score. 5 minutes, and a Slinky long throw later Truss had broke his duck and the Wombles had taken a comfortable lead.

This seemed to do for Lynhurst as the Wombles went on to play some excellent attacking football (once Ali was replaced by super sub Drapes – a coincidence I’m sure!).  Eason went on to do what he does best, score without moving. First some neat interplay between Paddy and Drapes led to an opening for Berba who played a one two with the post before finishing calmly, the great man himself commented “I could see the angle was not on to score so had no choice but to hit it off the post to give me the chance to tap into empty net”.

He scored a second shortly after, starting the move himself with a ball out wide to “tricky” wingman Lewy, a low cross went in and after a little confusion in the box the ball fell to the Sloth about 15 yards out who  smashed it into the roof of the net!! His hat-trick was completed after a long cross by Lewy was thundered in via Eason’s great big head at the back post.

The game was  rounded off in style by something never seen before or likely to be seen again. A throw by the excellent Truss went inside to Nase who took it on the half volley and it flew into the top left hand corner, a goal that was measured at around 35 yards from contact to goal, but on appeal in the pub was decided to be closer to 60.

Lynhurst managed to get a goal back with around 10 mins left but all in all it was a great day out for the Wombles – an excellent performance and a good laugh, what Sunday football should be about. Both teams played in an excellent spirit, and the day was rounded off with Utd winning, Chelsea losing, a roast dinner and me having some bloody good beers.

Heathfield Rangers 1 vs Wombles 1

1. Dr No (Vocal Chords)
2. Nase
3. Bugsy
4. Winners
5. Flasers
6. Joey J
7. The Metronome
8. Psycho
9. Robinho
10. Burbasloth
11. Winners
12. Broken Skipper

MOM Truss?

Goal – Berba

Who’d have thought after our start to the season that we would be having a table topping clash in mid November? The Wombles were missing several players again and the captain was the second most drunk man ever near a football pitch (behind Nase who once had an own goal dissallowed the night after wetting the babies head!). With the skipper so drunk he was sick more than once walking to the pitch, Higgsy and Winners were called into the starting line up.

The Wombles were up against a side who had averaged 4 goals a game and whose oldest player was 25, so with a weakened team in terms of numbers but a strong side in terms of quality and spirit, they kicked off in terrible conditions at the Racecourse.

It was actually the Wombles who had the better of the first half with Robinho having his best game for the club, doing Berba’s running and nearly scoring on a number of occasions (hit it hard mate!!!). Unfortunately Higgsy was to last about as long as one of Lewys mmmmmmmmsss (8 minutes) and was replaced by the Skipper who after much debate was slotted in at centre half with Winners pushed out wide.

Heathfield were using their pace well but the Wombles defence marshalled well by Flaser and midfield held firm and Linesy was excellent as usual. It was the Wombles who looked the more dangerous on the counter attack took the lead when a neat low Nasal free kick from the right was half met by Nath, and after a bit of pin ball in the area fell to where Eason had been standing all game and true to form he made no mistake.

Utd held tight till the half and knew the second half defending the hill would be a tough ask with their traditional second half fitness causing a slight concern. The second half was a real case of backs to the wall defending with the three defensive midfielders of JJ, Truss and Winners providing a good shield whilst still looking dangerous on the break through Nath, Rob and Berba.

Unfortunately the Wombles couldn’t hold out til the end when with 10 minutes left Nasal blocked a shot but it took a wicked deflection up and over Linesy to see the Wombles deflated. A lesser team could have folded but the Wombles spirit and the promise of chicken stuff and popadoms down barrats for the 4th week running saw the tired legs play through to the final whistle to grab a point.

All in all an excellent performance, probably the best of the season considering the number of players missing, and gave the club a great confidence boost knowing they could match any team in the league.

(Sorry it’s late. Good job my memory isn’t too addled!)