Ressies 1 vs Hartwell 0

This week we have special guest match report Neil “terrible grammar, sentence construction and spelling” Lewis. I’ve made it a bit more readible but cheers for doing it Lewy!

1. Kris “I cant take my goal kicks” Lines
2. Neil “heart attack x3″ McDermott
3. Phil “Bambi on ice” Littlewood
4. Flaser “I love Sundays” Gascoyne
5. Jason “Head on a stick”Owen
6. Nathan “the fighter” Warner
7. Simon “Pink towel”Trussler
8. Neil “Put yourself sraight back in” Lewis
9. Ben “can’t find the pub” Taylor
10. Rob “Sunday Club” Noel
11. Scott “Movement” EasonSubs
12. Jim “Sunday” Harris
13. Dave “Reserve linesman” Maloney
14. Jamie “No kit bag” Kerr

The Wombles recorded their first victory over Hartwell and even found an opposition that moaned more than us as well.  Forced changes saw the gaffa re-shuffle his pack, with long throw specialist Ali away for a brits behind bars re-union and Joe Johnson spending the morning checking out body art. Both teams started poorly in what must have been a great spectacle for the fans.

The ressies picked up their game and midway through the first half took a deserved lead through a bullet header from skipper Jason Owen to open his account for the club.

Kris pulled off two great stops in the second half and Trussler dominated the midfield with his best performance for the club. Changes saw a quick re-shuffle at the back and a late opportunity went begging when late sub Jamie Kerrr spurned a good chance.

In the whole more minutes under the belt for everyone and three points on the board, and more money in the fine pot – it could be an expensive season! Next week sees us away at Overstone in the cup.

M.O.M Trussler

Remember your hats next week if not you are fined

Squad for Hartwell Rangers

The squad below will be making the short trip to Abington park pitch 2 to face Hartwell Rangers. “Inspirational” gaffa Lewy returns from girlfriend duty and Bugsy returns from a successful Geography field trip where he correctly identified the faults with seven different types of cows milk (including one cow had gotten into an onion field). Slinky is away scouting in Spain and JoJo has gone to a tattoo show. Muzza Gascoyne is definitely out after turning his ankle after 2 seconds of training and Injury doubts remain over Jase and Flaser. The team search for their first points of the season, could this be the one?

Squad :

• Kris Lines
• Neil McDermott
• Dave Maloney
• Flaser Gascoyne
• Jason Owen
• Phil Littlewood
• James Harris
• Neil Lewis
• Simon Trussler
• Ben Taylor
• Robert Noel
• Jamie Kerr
• Nathan Warner
• Scott Eason

Standby :

If any of the players fail late fitness tests (on injuries I mean – otherwise everyone would fail!) first team skipper and ladies man Luke Jones is all set to step up to the subs bench.

Weave Drops Bombshell

Bad news for the Ressies as one of the seasons key performers so far, Phil Littlewood let slip that he will be unavailable from 4th – 26th October due to holiday and social commitments.  The Weave has performed excellently (in at least 3 positions a game!) so far and will be a big miss from the squad, especially with skipper Jason Owen currently AWOL after a heavy drinking session on Sunday.

It is however a good opportunity for some of the squad members to step into the starting line up and make a real claim for the (XL) shirt. Fraser Gascoyne will also be missing for the county cup trip to Overstone on 4th October which will leave the gaffer with a selection headache. There is also the possibility that the signing on book will be reopened with a number of possible targets currently plying their trade for Wootton being identified.

Ressies 1 – First Point 4

1. Kris “Teflon” Lines
2. Neil “Blowing” McDermott
3. Alister “Short throw” McDermott
4. Flaser “Injured – can I go up front?” Gascoyne
5. Jason “Neck high tackle” Owen
6. Phil “3 Positions” Littlewood
7. Simon “Dog w@nk” Trussler
8. Joe “Hospital Ball” Johnson
9. Nathan “Ikea” Warner
10. Jamie “Thighmaster” Kerr
11. Ben “You can’t fine me” Taylor
12. Robert “Mardy bum” Noel (For Ali Mc)
13. James “Thief / Uphill Gardener” Harris (For Jason Owen)
14. Scott “Movement” Eason (For JK)
15. Murray “Club Dr” Gacoyne

Scorer : Jo Johnson – A heavily deflect Free Kick flew into the net, wrong footing the keeper. The clubs first competitive goal and a fine for hitting the wall. What more could you ask for?

Match Report :

Northampton Utd played their first home game away from home at Dally Park while essential refurbishment work is carried out at the Racecourse to make their ground elligbale for the celubriase surroundings of the Northants Combination division three. With Lewy controversially away at a Wedding Trussler and Owen were restored to the starting line up with Rob moving to the bench.

The game started out fairly evenly but Utd grabbed their first competitive goal when JJ (don’t know if anyone else calls him it but I will) scored a deflected free kick from the edge of the area. The lead didn’t last long though as Teflon Lines contrived to throw the ball into the next when under sever pressure from the First Point attack. To be fair the conditions were very slippy and his handling for the rest of the game was exemplary. Please note I have reading the booking “how to keep your only gk happy” by “JR Hartley”.

Half time came with the scores even and unfortunately what was to follow was a TM of the wombles – lots of unfit oldies being given the runaround. Firstly Jason was turned on the half way line and managed to keep up with his man just enough tto chop him down neck high around 5 yards outside the area. The ref, feeling sorry for the felled striker pointed to the spot, much to the constenation of the Wombles side. The striker finished clinically and Jase was soon to be taken off after being knocked out while tackling with his head.

In the meantime assistant gaffa Slinky had pulled himself off in favour of Rob and Chopper Harris made his debut in place of the injured skipper. Eason also made a competitive debut replacing the injured Sissy Kerr. Utd went on to conced 3 more goals as players tired (some would say due to the baggy kit – they will be fined by the way!).

The match proved that Utd have nothing to fear in this league, and with some improved fitness, they can look forward to a competitive season – as long as the games only last 45 minutes!

Good performances from the Weave and JJ and Nath led the line well, bringing others into play.

Man of the Match Sponsored by JO Pavings :
Jason (JO) Owen – bought himself a jug, but also was strong in the air and unfortunate to give away a penalty, but fortunate to stay on the pitch – until one of his many injuries led to him eventually hitting the sideline. He also left his phone in a taxi after a Sunday Club session – only time will tell whether he will be allowed out again!

Squad for First Point and New Kit Arrives

The title of the post says it all. The squad below is in position order. “Inspirational” gaffa Lewy will be taking his unique brand of moaning to a wedding in Oxford whilst Bugsy is away on a Geography field trip. Injurey doubts remain over Rob and Truss, but this is a pretty strong squad which will see our first home game and also the unveiling of the new kit. Happy days!

Squad :

• Kris Lines
• Neil McDermott
• Alister McDermott
• Flaser Gascoyne
• Jason Owen
• Phil Littlewood
• James Harris
• Joe Johnson
• Simon Trussler
• Ben Taylor
• Robert Noel
• Jamie Kerr
• Nathan Warner
• Scott Eason
• Murray Gacoyne

Polish Champions 2 vs Ressies 0

Team :

1. Kris “Smiling Assasin” Lines
2. Neil “Slicing Logger” McDermott
3. Alister “Wide Load” McDermott
4. Flaser “Questionable pre match preperation” Gascoyne
5. Phil “Knee High” Littlewood
6. Neil “The Moaner” Lewis
7. Joe “Stop shooting from kick off” Johnson
8. Ben “High wide and handsome” Taylor
9. Robert “Injured when has to defend” Noel
10. Jamie “Diving header tackle” Kerr
11. Nathan “Halfway Line” Warner

Subs :

1. Jason “My ball, er no it’s not. Sorry” Owen
2. Dave “Head on a stick and set piece king” Maloney

The new seasons campaign began with a solid yet uninspiring loss to our hardworking Polish cousins. Our lack of pre season really showed in the opening exchanges, though experience in blowing out of ones arse is a commodity we rate highly in the reserves.

Polish Champions started the brighter, with a lot of room to pass and move around midfield. The experienced Wombles back four looked for offside at every opportunity, causing the nappy wearing linesman to pull a shoulder muscle through constant flagging. Keeper Kris ‘The Smiling Assassin’ Lines was called upon on numerous occasions to pull off some great saves, thus proving to be Ali ‘SuperAgent’ McDermott’s key pre season signing.

Resistance was finally broken after an uncharacteristic slip by Nasal’s left hind leg allowed the Poles in to open the scoring. With hands on knees, the Wombles faced an uphill battle, but a quick re shuffle allowed Phil’s knee high challenges into centre mid to help try and lock the gate.

Joe Johnson was started to get a grip on the centre, whilst also laying off a few hospital balls to the left back from throw ins. Ben’s tricky wing play was getting caught up in the knee high grass whilst Nathan and Jamie never stopped running for the club with limited service.

Second half saw the Wombles start the brighter of the two sides, and with the back four now bolstered by the return of club skipper Jason Owen, an equaliser looked on the cards. Things started to get a little fruity across the park as the Wombles competed for every ball with vigour. Alas, a surprise defensive error from the skipper allowed the Poles to take a 2-0 lead and wrap the game up.

On a whole this was a great start to the season against a good, fit footballing side. We didn’t give up or get on each others backs (apart from the inspirational gaffer Neil Lewis), and that is very important at this level of football.

When you looked around the dressing room at the end, surrounded by friends, journeymen and honesty, you knew everyone had given 100% to the team. That is all you can ask for….

well, that, and an end of season tour to Amsterdam!!

UP THE WOMBLES!!

MOM – Tied (Phil Littlewood & Joe Johnson)

Alister McDermott

Long throw specialist Slinky is a great club man who has been involved in a number of key signings giving him the new moniker “Not Too Pin Zavy”. As a full time DJ he has access to the guest lists in all the hottest nightspots in town which has acted as a great tool for persuading prospective players that the Wombles are the right club for them.

A key part of the management team, he is also a more than able performer from left back, with very few people able to get round him (for various reasons), he also has the patented shoulder-header which is a potent tool to have in his armoury alongside his cultured left foot which he can open a tin of beans with.

Like many of the players he has experience to burn but has been out of the 11 aside game for a while so will be looking to regain match fitness as the season progresses. The lads will be hoping he can bag goals from free kicks so he can stop living off the memory of his Sixfields rasper 5 years ago!

Kris Lines

The “Smiling Assassin” was a player who was pursued by the management staff for the duration of pre-season and Utd finally got their man after Ali “Not too Pin Zavi” McDermott brokered a short term deal for the player late one night in Fat Cats.

Lines made his debut against local rivals Squirrels and has been very solid in every match since, leading to the signing of an extended deal. A good shot stopper, great in the air and so so orange, he is an excellent addition to the squad who can also do a job in training as an outside, outside right.

Neil Lewis

Neil Lewis is one of the founding members of the Reserves and has agreed to take on the responsibility of managing the team. On the pitch Lewy brings many years of experience playing for the first team and also Duston Utd on Saturdays. He will be looking to return to his central midfield birth, having been seen as something of a utility man by previous managers he has played under due to his comfort at moaning from full back or anywhere across the midfield.

Lewy is a genuine goal threat whose late runs from midfield and will be a key figure in the teams quest for trophies / league consolidation. He will hopefully be allowed down the pub for more than an hour at some point during the season so that he can show the new lads his wine glass trick!

His dark eyes have already created a stir with some of the new lads and they will be even more excited by his plethora of nicknames including Dr Peath, Black Eyed Peath, Hot Rod, and many many more.

Reserves Fines List

The following is a list of fines for the Northampton United reserves team. All fines are payable in Barratts after the game. If people do not attend Barratts the fines will be payable the morning of the following game. All fines will be taken by skipper Jason Owen and will go towards reducing travel costs for the end of season tour.  All fines were agreed by those in attendance at the first fines club meeting.

Maximum Weekly Fine = £3 (*double bubble if you bring your misses though)

£2 – No attendance at the pub (scope for movement if you have a kid)
£2 – Own goal
£2 - Missed penalty
£2 – Missed open goal
£3 - Turning up later than 10.10am for a match
£2 – Booking for dissent
£1 – Foul throw
*£6 - Bringing your bird to the pub
£2 – Using your phone while playing / involved at training
£1 – Jibbing a tackle
£1 – Hitting the wall from a free kick
£1 – Shooting from the half way line
£1 – No shin pads
£1 – Dirty boots
£1 – Clean kit at the end of the game
£2 – Still drunk from the night before
£1 – Conceding a penalty
£2 – Too much moaning

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